Mets

In shocking news coming from the MLB Winter Meetings in Dallas, Mets shortstop Jose Reyes suffered yet another injury, this time while signing a contract with the Miami Marlins.

In what seemed to be inevitable, Mets shortstop Jose Reyes signed a six-year, $102 million contract with the Miami Marlins. Mets' GM Sandy Alderson came clean late Sunday night, admitting he completely forgot free agent signing season had begun.

In a press conference announcing the hiring of Bobby Valentine as the new Red Sox manager Wednesday, GM Ben Cherington revealed the true reason the club decided to bring on the veteran skipper.

"The truth is that aerosol cans with white paint are simply becoming too expensive for our organization to constantly buy and use," said GM Sandy Alderson at his home on Friday. "School chalk is so much cheaper and we already have some from the chalkboard in the clubhouse so our first supply is already covered."

Employing the same formula that brought them championships in 1997 and 2003, the Miami Marlins announced that they have signed free agents Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle and Ryan Madson and immediately began planning the fire sale that has shortly followed those two World Series titles.

Many professional athletes have deferred money for the good of their team, but Alex Rodriguez just took things to a whole new level. Rodriguez, once called a “selfish 24+1 player,” proved just the opposite today when he came to terms on a five-year, $100 million contract with star free agent Jose Reyes.

“Well played, fundamentally sound teams are boring. They’re boring,” said one self-proclaimed New York die-hard. “What the heck am I supposed to call the radio and moan about? The Yankees pitching staff?”