Mets

Jon Niese through he was returning a favor when he offered to pay for Carlos Beltran’s mole removal, but as it turned out, he was stuck with a bill for a nose job the former Met promised to pay for.

While today’s simulation software accurately mimics Major League games, the Mets recently declined to extend their contract with a cutting-edge computer graphics company for financial reasons, and instead dusted off their old system built by Atari in 1978.

The hair will make a perfect addition to our Mets Hall of Fame,” said the Mets owner. “Just because Jose has moved on, doesn’t mean we won’t honor his years in New York.”

The name of the Mets spring training ballpark in Port St. Lucie is Digital Domain Park. You probably can’t believe it. Yes, without a doubt, it is the stupidest name in the history of anything that ever had a name. The only aspect of the name that makes sense is the part that ends in Park. Actually, the Mets should do the honorable thing and give two-thirds the money back to Digital Domain and just call the place “Park.”

"I just got off the phone with the commissioner's office and our petition is officially active. We are currently waiting on the league's ruling regarding our potential forfeiture of the 2012 season," said Alderson at a Mets' team event.

“I politely said no, but he still handed me a ball,” said protestor Conrad Hoss. “I checked what they were going for on eBay, and when I saw $3, I threw it back at him. The crowd followed my lead.”

“Always read the fine print,” said Ross Gold, Mets lawyer. “Once a contract is signed, the team owns the player’s name for the extent of the deal. There’s nothing unconstitutional or against the law going down here.”