Mets

"You know, with this Mets team you never expect them to score any runs, especially by hitting a ball over the fence for automatic runs," Mr. Capozzi said from his hospital bed. "After Duda's second homer, and the team's third of the game, I was so shocked and surprised that my body couldn't take it anymore."

With the Dodgers selling for a record $2 billion, now would be a great time for Fred Wilpon to take offers on the Mets. Taking a page out of Magic Johnson’s book, former Knick Larry Johnson has already put together a group of investors in hopes of buying the Amazins for $2 million.

The Mets locked down the batboy for $16 million over 12 years in a strategic signing by wily owner Fred Wilpon.

Just one week after the Wilpons settled the Bernie Madoff case, it appears they will be receiving another influx of capital. Comedy Central and Sterling Mets LP have agreed to a two-year, $100 million deal in which all Mets losses will be replayed on the network.

Just one day removed from wiping their hands clean of the Bernie Madoff scandal, Fred and Jeff Wilpon have found themselves in a new mess. In an interview with “Entertainment Weekly,” Hollywood mega-director, Michael Bay revealed that the cash strapped Mets’ owners approached him for advice on potentially injuring their left fielder, Jason Bay.

Before seeking a second opinion from his personal docoer and being diagnosed with a lung ailment known as “Valley Fever,” Mets’ doctors told Ike Davis he had “Acute Jungle Fever.”

“I was actually gonna take myself in the 10th, but I knew I’d still be around,” Wright said. “I needed a pitcher pretty bad, so I snagged Kyle Lohse.”