Mets

After the events that have taken place in the Astros and Red Sox organizations, former big league outfielder, and former Mets manager Carlos Beltran was seen running this morning in full uniform from a crime scene in New York City.

"When the Browns hired me, a baseball executive from the moneyball movement who was the general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers during their second worst season since 1958, to oversea the overhaul of the Cleveland Browns as their Chief Strategy Officer, answerable only to the team president, I knew that they were willing to get their team on track."

It's Chicago against New York. Edder Vedder vs. 50 Cent. Deep dish pizza vs. cardboard covered in tomato sauce.

The Cross-Fat Games combine High-Intensity Interval Eating with Olympic beer drinking and plyometric sundae snacking. The inaugural games were won by the rubinesque Colon who narrowly beat out former Lions QB Scott Mitchell, who is apparently now huge.

In a move that's being described as cost-cutting, convenient and pragmatic, the Houston Astros and New York Mets will sit out the upcoming Major League Baseball season.

Egged on by the raucous New York crowd, the man flailed his arms and turned around in circles for several minutes on the infield, while those in the stands screamed out unintelligible chants which sounded like "Bah-bah-bah" and "So-good, so-good, so-good."

"I want Harvey and Wheeler to gain major league experience without being injured while we remain noncompetitive," Collins said. "Their respective starts will be on this upcoming Tuesday and Wednesday and again in late September."