Patriots

"In addition to getting every call right, it will also provide much-needed stoppage time for players to rest, advertisers to advertise and fans to get snacks or use the restroom," said Goodell. "Everybody wins. Plus, we can now bill the Super Bowl as a two-day event, which is sure to excite people. If four hours of football is good, then 36 hours is better, right?"

Greerson, who also is known for going into work on Mondays saying, "Cheer up everyone, we got a whole week ahead of us!" said that he likes the Seahawks "because they won last year, and Pete Carroll seems like a guy I'd like to get a beer with," but added that "Bill Belichick is probably my favorite coach out there, and that Tom Brady sure is handsome!"

"You may be wondering if we purposefully deflated our balls and the answer is 'Yes'," admitted a smug and unapologetic Belichick. "Sure, we had home field advantage and a better all-around team, but is that ever enough to stick it to your opponent?"

“We love Tom Brady. 100 percent of our Patriots coverage last week was taken out of context.”

Two of the most maligned figures in sports are linking up, but it probably won't get them anywhere.

"Gronk want strong! Gronk no want new ouch. Ouch make Gronk cry sad, no football play."

Hernandez’ lawyer announced that his client will cooperate fully with Federal Prosecutors and testify for the state as they build a case against alleged Mafia Kingpin Timothy Richard Tebow.