After tough loss, Gronkowski retires to focus on first love of nailing porn stars
Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski announced Monday he will be retiring from football immediately to focus on his first love of having sex with porn stars, which is how he reportedly spent his bye week after photos of him with 20-year-old porn star BiBi Jones were posted to Twitter last week.
Theo makes first trade, sending G. Heileman to Boston for Sam Adams
In the first of many moves to come in his new role with the Cubs, Theo Epstein today traded the inexplicably popular old-timer G. Heileman to the Red Sox for the highly rated Samuel Adams.
Epstein trades himself back to Red Sox, pockets cash
As part of the deal, the much-heralded executive included a clause that the Cubs would send shortstop Starlin Castro to the Red Sox and be on the hook for Epstein’s 2012 salary as well as cash compensation for the deal, which would be paid to him.
Epstein resigns from Red Sox, Boston housewife resigns from living
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Mrs. Perry sobbed. “Theo was all I had. Boston’s most eligible bachelor is gone, and my dreams are gone with him!”
John Scott almost skates from one end of ice to other without falling
“John almost made it to the other end of the ice without falling,” Hawks coach Joel Quenneville said. “If he had picked a fight with [Shawn] Thornton at center ice, he would have regained his balance like he usually does and made it all the way.”
Theo deal nearly complete as Cubs throw in Bartman to Red Sox
"After running [manager Terry] Francona and Theo out of town, we need a new scapegoat for future failures of the franchise," said Henry. "We all know it can't be me, because I just write the checks and take in the glory when we when. Someone's got to take the blame when we lose."
Cubs-Red Sox talks not going well after Ricketts tries to pawn off Zambrano, Soriano
While the Cubs chairman has scored low on the baseball IQ chart since taking over the team, Tom Ricketts is starting to show some savvy after scoring Theo Epstein to replace Jim Hendry as GM. Unfortunately, Ricketts attempts to pawn off both Carlos Zambrano and Alfonso Soriano to Boston have not been met with exuberance.
