Baltimore

Following the tradition set by the 1984 Baltimore Colts, some members of the 2012 Baltimore Ravens will be heading to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl in the middle of the night via Mayflower trucks. About 20 members of the team have agreed to take the trip led by MLB Ray Lewis and Defensive Coordinator, Chuck Pagano, who was just named the Colts new Head Coach.

Following his team's heart-breaking playoff loss to the Patriots Sunday, Ravens QB Joe Flacco announced he has accepted an offer to be lead singer in the Queen tribute band Killer Queen.

“None of my guys or Jim’s guys were ready to have our seasons end just yet.” said John. “But due to some NFL rules that only allow teams to play in the Super Bowl if they win their playoff games even if they're coached by a Harbaugh brother, we had to make some adjustments.”

After Billy Cundiff missed a 32-yard game-tying field goal, belligerent Ravens fan Walt Gumperson stormed out of Sam's Tavern in east Baltimore screaming of repercussions for the blown game.

The entire Baltimore roster rejoiced Sunday afternoon following kicker Billy Cundiff’s missed field goal with seconds remaining in the AFC Championship Game, saving the Ravens from a mandatory mid-winter trip to cold and desolate Indianapolis.

"This is not something we condone," said Papa John's in a press release. "We expect all of our employees to adhere to strict company standards. It is clear that John Harbaugh is the second best coach in the family. We expect our employees to accurately reflect the accomplishments of our customers.

“I invented the All Defense Offense,” Ryan declared. “I won a Super Bowl ring with the All Defense Offense. I made it work in Baltimore, and I can make it work here."