Orioles

In order to feel "more comfortable" while playing at an empty Camden Yards, the Baltimore Orioles today announced that they will pipe in artificial sounds of fans booing the home team throughout the shortened 60-game 2020 season.

R.A. Dickey's recent one-hitter against the Baltimore Orioles was his second consecutive one-hit performance and Baltimore's manager is crediting the knuckleballer's success to a massive conspiracy implicating every single umpire in baseball.

"It was actually an easier decision than you might think," GM Brian Cashman said Sunday. "Because we lost both games of the first 1/81st portion of the season, we can't come back and become a successful playoff team come October. I mean, if this team doesn't win every single game of every season, then there is no reason to think we can be good."

By knocking the Red Sox out of the playoff hunt with a walk-off ninth inning win in the final game of the season, the Baltimore Orioles enjoyed being relevant this late in the season for the first time since the team's last playoff appearance in 1997.

In a petulant effort to stick it to the Cubs for their continued banishment, Sammy Sosa is now holding his own fan convention, hoping to steal fans and publicity away from his former franchise during their big weekend.

After trading for Roberto Alomar in 2003 and again in 2004, the White Sox are reverting to old, reliable means to improve their output at second base. Wednesday afternoon, the White Sox traded for Roberto Alomar on the same day the retired player was elected to baseball's Hall of Fame.

Not too long ago Derrek Lee was the anchor of a promising Cubs squad that lead the NL in wins. Now after verbally agreeing to a one-year contract with the lowly Orioles, Lee's on the verge of obscurity after sulking his way to a mediocre 2010 campaign with the Cubs and Braves.