Breaking!

Cubs GM Jim Hendry has lots of work left to do as Spring Training begins, but he might have trouble doing his job from his new location. After proclaiming the Cubs will be in contention this year while talking to reporters earlier this week, Hendry was dragged away kicking and screaming by three men in white coats and brought to the nearest psychiatric hospital for evaluation.

Following a lackluster sophomore season, Randy Wells hasn’t been mentioned nearly as often as his teammates. Even Cubs GM Jim Hendry recently forgot he was on the team.

“We'll split the profits 60/40,” said Ramirez. “They are always talking about new revenue streams, and nothing brings in the pesos--or the dollars--like a good cockfight..."

Yesterday the Bears officially refused to let Mike Tice interview for a job with the Titans, but not because they are happy with the job he did as offensive line coach this season. Instead, the Bears can afford to lose Tice because he's the only one with keys to the locker room at Halas Hall.

On Monday at Daytona International Speedway, Danica Patrick revealed she’s cutting her extremely unproductive NASCAR racing schedule to just 12 races in 2011 at the instruction of her owner Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Cardinals megastar 1B Albert Pujols is reportedly seeking a 10-year, $300 million contract after his current deal expires after this season. That's a lot of cash, especially for a smaller market like St. Louis. But Cubs GM Jim Hendry thinks he can scrounge up the money, even if the decision is based solely out of spite for former Cubs infielder Ryan Theriot.

There are only a handful of spots left on The Heckler's United Center Blackhawks trip Wednesday and if you use the discount code "procrastinate" can still get the super-cheap earlybird rate, which is a savings of 20 percent on the list price but you have to book now.