Marmol has no idea where next pitch will wind up
"Carlos Marmol's lack of any preconceived notion whatsoever of where his next pitch will wind up is definitely keeping him up here since no one can read him in advance," said Cubs batting instructor Rudy Jaramillo.
Sox announce BYOB initiative to improve fan experience at The Cell
"Even after the World Series in 2005, attendance was lower than what we anticipated and people grumbled about beer prices," said owner Jerry Reinsdorf. "So now, not only can fans enjoy a family-friendly atmosphere, but they can party their asses off at the same time. It’s a win-win for everybody.”
Red Sox on pace to out-suck Cubs for first time since 1945
“We don’t care if the fans are behind us or not,” said DH David Ortiz. “If we suck that bad, we won’t even need Boston fans following because all the Yankee fans will start pulling for us to lose. So it’s a win-win situation no matter how bad it gets.”
Hendry purchases pitching machine to fill out rotation
With the loss of Randy Wells and Andrew Cashner, the Cubs were sent scrambling looking for rotation replacements. General Manager Jim Hendry ultimately decided on purchasing a BATA-2 pitching machine off Amazon rather than risk another minor league arms.
Prince Fielder still expanding, baffling scientists
Despite depletion of resources throughout the globe, Prince Fielder, one of the largest mammals in the Western Hemisphere, appears to be getting larger, baffling scientists.
Fresh out of prison, the real Benny the Bull returns just in time for...
After more than four years in lockup, the original Benny the Bull is returning to the lineup in what Chicago hopes will bolster the team's chances in the playoffs.
WikiLeaks shocker: CIA uses ‘Go Cubs Go’ to torture terror suspects
The latest bombshell WikiLeaks release revealed the United States CIA regularly uses the Steve Goodman anthem "Go Cubs Go" to torture suspected terrorists.
