Breaking!

Cubs Opening Day starter Ryan Dempster had fans and coaches concerned with a putrid April performance, but the prankster has turned it around in May and is now claiming his terrible start was just another in a long series of hoaxes and practical jokes from the prankster.

Heat forward Chris Bosh is working on outperforming his famously terrible flop from this winter when Miami last played the Bulls. He's not exactly sure how he'll do it yet.

A Cook County District Court judge recently ordered Hawk to legally change his name to Homer due to his blind devotion to the team.

Keeping with the trend of getting gigs in increasingly smaller markets, Milton Bradley has now signed an incentive-laden deal to play ball in a small-town softball league.

Last month the notoriously stingy Cubs unveiled a $3 beer promotion hoped to draw more fans to Wrigley's bleachers for Tuesday night games. The 60 percent discount struck some as generous until it was revealed that the discounted beers will be only four ounces, just one-third the regular size.

Cardinals infielder Ryan Theriot will be wearing a bullseye on his chest to aid fans and opponents looking to hurl any variety of objects at him in his first game at Wrigley since this off-season when the former Cub said he was now finally on the "right side" of the Cubs-Cards rivalry.

Lincoln Park Slims broke the cardinal rule of sports bars recently when a small area of its wall was not covered by high definition television. Although the pub was equipped with 2,313 televisions, including 15 in each bathroom, it was the small section of a wall without a T.V. that had customers up in arms.