Bird’s Eye View: Entire Cubs organization ripe for the pooping
The Wrigley Field Seagulls share their views on Jim Hendry, the Cubs' lineup, cotton candy and more.
Berkman replaces Jared Fogel as Subway spokesman
“We’re really excited,” said Subway V.P. of Marketing Tom Butler. “We get to trade a spokesman who simply went from morbidly obese to normal for a spokesman who went from morbidly obese to normal and can hit a fastball.”
Stressed-out Quade begins sprouting hair
The stress of managing the “Lovable Losers” appears to have already taken a toll on the Cubs skipper. After his second consecutive sleepless night on Sunday, Quade arose Monday morning in Cincinnati to an unusual sight – tufts of hair sprouting from his head, shoulders and back.
Pittsburgh mascot inserted in lineup in order to draw fans
“We went with Parrot because he won’t scare kids away, like Captain Jolly possibly might,” said the team's head of marketing.
Eleven members of Cubs organization indicted for taking bribes from broom industry
“Yes, the Cubs are being paid to get swept,” said Chicago city attorney Mark Williams. “From the inexplicable managing decisions to the horrendous errors to grooving meatballs down the center of the plate for Albert Pujols, it’s all one giant conspiracy being funded by people who want to sell more brooms.”
Jeter on pace for 3,000 hits sometime in June 2014
The Yankees shortstop has been progressing extremely slowly toward the milestone, averaging just 1.2 hits per month this season.
Neuter Your Pet Night goes horribly wrong for Joey Cora
White Sox bench coach Joey Cora was recently the unfortunate victim of a U.S. Cellular promotion gone wrong.
