Duncan Keith has been nearly unstoppable during this year’s Blackhawks playoff run which has led to some speculation that he may in fact be a cybernetic organism.
Keith’s boundless speed and endurance, despite playing an average of 31 minutes per game, has lead to an array of rumors that he is indeed a cyborg that traveled through space in order to eliminate mortal enemies Pekka Rinne, Zach Parise, Ryan Kessler and Steven Stamkos.
These rumors have gotten so out of hand that one internet news source believes the story starts with original Blackhawks founder Frederic McLaughlin.
Speculators say that as a response to fired coach Pete Muldoon’s curse on the team (Blackhawks will never reach first place), McLaughlin started constructing a cybernetic defenseman prototype out of an antique suit of armor, old Zamboni parts and Barry Melrose’s hair pomade.
Prior to completion and very much to the dismay of McLaughlin, the cyborg mysteriously disappeared.
Many believe the defensive minded cyborg was at the center of an intergalactic civil war and freed over seven captive planets by clearing them out of the zone and into the opposing team’s galaxy.
Stories then began to circulate that following his interplanetary domination, the cyborg traveled back through space in a Fifth Third Bank sponsored atmospheric friction heat resistant space pod in the shape of Pierre McGuire’s penis-shaped head, in which it was then drafted in the second round of the 2002 NHL Draft.
Some say that the original purpose of the cyborgs construction was to see to the fulfillment of the prophecy McLaughlin had foreseen in 1926, eliminate any opposition to a potential Blackhawks dynasty.
Keith addressed the media Tuesday afternoon denying any allegations that he is in fact a space traveling cyborg bent on domination of all professional hockey but rumors continue to swirl on social media.
