St Louis resident Bryce “Brycenator” Campanga says that he has no problems with Michael Sam being drafted by the Rams. In a frank and candid statement to his buddies while they were watching the draft at Flannery’s sports bar, Bryce told his friends
“Look dudes. You guys know the Brycenator totally scores with all kinds of beautiful babies. I mean I am like the biggest tail hound out there. I’m just a freaking wizard with all the sexy women. Also, I’m not gay.”
Pressed further to explain, Bryce told his buddies that he had no problem with the Rams drafting Michael Sam in the 7th Round because they needed so much help on the defensive line.
In an on the record statement Bryce elaborated.
“OK fellas, Bryce Bryce Baby is going to break it down for you all. We go up against St Louis and San Francisco and Arizona and we just don’t have any depth. Now you bros know I’m not gay, and like totally every chick here knows I’m not gay but the point is, we needed Sam and he was a steal in the seventh round.
“I just hope he can help our front seven apply some defensive pressure to the quarterback so we can get the ball back to Bradford. Also, I’m not gay.”
At the end of the draft as they all left Flannery’s Campanga was heard in the parking lot asking “You guys want to go to Viva Club or Drunken fish tonight. I just hope that all the ladies know Vanilla Bryce is totally on the prowl tonight!”
