After a weekend that saw Texans coach Gary Kubiak leave a game at halftime with a mild stroke, and Broncos coach John Fox take a leave of absence for heart problems, the healthiest and most physically fit coach in the NFL has suddenly become Andy Reid of the Chiefs.
Andy Reid, who by most standards is morbidly obese, originally left the Eagles to sign with the Chiefs only because he valued Kansas City Bar-B-Que over Philadelphia Cheese Steaks. In a paradox unlike any other, Reid — whose Chiefs have defied expectations by becoming the only 9-0 team in the NFL — has suddenly been declared the picture pf perfect health.
A gregarious Reid addressed the media in between bites of a pulled pork sandwich.
“I think it’s great that I was bestowed this honor,” said Reid. “Meanwhile I’m just hoping that we can move to 10-0 after our bye week. Also, hey! Where’s the ranch dressing. I was promised ranch dressing and I don’t see any here. What gives! How am I going to finish this Slabbed-Up Smoky Rib Rub if I can’t wash it down with a little Ranch Dressing … and a Diet Coke.”
Other NFL coaches who have addressed health concerns include Rex Ryan who had lap band surgery in an effort to lose weight as well as Bill Belichick, who tragically lost his legs in a light saber fight against his nemesis Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Meanwhile, life couldn’t be better for Andy Reid.
His Chiefs sit at 9-0 atop the AFC and he is the front runner for Coach of the Year.
When asked about his peers in the coaching fraternity who have been beset by health issues, a jubilant Reid, between the last few bites of his steak sandwich said the following;
“I feel for those guys who stress out because their teams aren’t undefeated and favored to win a Superbowl like we are now. But hey, it’s on those guys to take better care of their health just like I am,” Reid said. “By the way, does anybody know what time the Slow-Cooked Pulled Pork Whole Fried Chicken Roast on Main Street starts this Saturday. We’ve got a bye week and I already bought my sample tickets so that I don’t have to wait in line once I get there. If they run out of the fire-roasted sweet potato bacon flavored hickory slathered cole slaw before I get there I’m going to be really upset.”
