In a week where the Miami Dolphins have been repeatedly slammed by the media for allowing a culture of bullying and hazing to permeate their locker room, it looks as though the team has finally found themselves an ally. Bullies from around the country have joined in support of the Dolphins. Several bullies even took to the stands to praise the terrible treatment of second-year player Jonathan Martin.
The first bully to speak on the Dolphins behalf was none other than Biff Tannen, the bully best-known for continually going after Marty McFly and his father George.
“You know we bullies have had a bad rap lately and there’s horrible rumors out there that bullying is on the decrease nationwide,” said Tannenbaum. “To see a professional organization such as the Dolphins is not only allowing, but possibly encouraging this is just wonderful. I just hope they get this guy with my patented ‘Shoes Untied joke’ or that they put a kick-me sign on his back.”
Other bullies who signed the initiative to keep bullying alive and well in the Dolphins organization included Stab, Pee-Wee and Zilla, the bullies who harassed Kid ‘n Play in the original “House Party.” Also, Scott Farkus, the bully from “A Christmas Story” asked why nobody in the Dolphins organization thought to pelt Martin with snowballs on his way back from practice. When it was pointed out to Farkus that there is no snow in Miami, he proceeded to start crying again and swear that he would someday get revenge on that kid with glasses who fought back.
Even Johnny Lawrence and the Kobra Kai felt that if more bullies had ganged up on Jonathan Martin at the same time, then there was no way he would’ve ever fought back, much less left the Dolphins practice facility. Lastly, the bullies from the Simpsons; Jimbo Jones, Nelson Munz and Kearney all stood in unison to show their support for bullying within the Dolphins organization.
When confronted by the media about the fact that bullying does severe psychological and emotional damage to the intended victim, a very non-chalant Nelson Muntz simply responded by saying “Ha-Ha.”
