After Derrick Rose hit a last-second game-winner Thursday night in his first regular season home game Thursday night, thousands of Chicago fans have been diagnosed with a new neurological condition called “Rosenesia.” Doctors stress that Rosenesia is a relatively minor disorder, with the only discernible side effect being that those who suffer from it forget large chunks of memory specifically related to them criticizing Rose for the length of his rehabilitation.
One sufferer, Lombard resident Charles Anderson, recently posted a Facebook status declaring, “The doctor told me I have ‘Rosenesia’ and that it’s very minor, and I shouldn’t worry about it, so I’ll just focus on the fact that the Bulls are going to be back on top of the league with Rose back in MVP form. Have you seen him lately? He’s just crushing it right now! Go Bulls!”
Going through Anderson’s history, the previous mention of the Bulls on his Facebook account came in July, which read, “Too bad Rose is being too much of a pansy to come through for his team during the playoff run. Noah played hurt, but Rose couldn’t come back after getting cleared by doctors? What a joke.”
Doctors say that sufferers of Rosenesia tend to suffer from exhaustion from constantly complimenting Rose’s play, as well as cramps from constantly patting themselves on the back for having “never given up” on the Bulls All-Star. In some cases, symptoms also include dry mouth.
By Jeff GoodSmith
