Thanks to some help from his father, Patrick Kane obliterated his scoring drought with a hat trick Saturday night, propelling the Blackhawks into the Stanley Cup finals.
On behalf of a hockey-crazed city, ecstatic reporters asked Kane how he made the breakthrough.
“Through visualization and studying film,” he said. “My dad created a highlight video of my 22 career playoff goals and we’ve been watching it together. It’s helped with my confidence and I have to admit, I’m pretty inspirational.”
Asked about the video, Pat Kane Sr. said “Yeah, yeah, yeah … 22 career playoff goals. Of course they’re in the video. But Patrick scored the hat trick because I secretly spliced Miracle on Ice into the film. You know, subliminally, the way the words ‘order a pizza’ are invisibly edited into those late night infomercials for exercise machines.”
Explained Kane Sr., “I knew that by watching the secretly edited highlight film that Patrick would be hugely inspired and at the same time have no idea why. He wasn’t even born when the U.S. Olympic hockey team won the gold in 1980. And I’ve been shielding him from that movie his entire life, waiting for a moment just like this when I would really need it. We have to get the Stanley Cup back in Chicago. And did you notice that Saturday’s final score was 4-3? Coincidence? I don’t think so.”
“Of course there are a few temporary side effects from watching the edited video. But I’ll take care of them after the finals. Once I deprogram Patrick to stop referring to Q as Herb – and get him to stop asking ‘where is my father?’ in his sleep – he’ll be good as new.”
