Two months after being acquitted of lying to investigators about his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs, former MLB ace Roger Clemens pitched for the Sugar Land Skeeters of the Atlantic League.

“Nothing will further cement my innocence than dominating professional hitters at the age of 50,” said Clemens. “It’s totally unnatural, sure, but I’m one of those rare athletes that stays competitive as I age. Kinda like Barry Bonds, but clean.”

After pitching four scoreless innings and surrendering only one hit, Clemens hit the training room for a “lot of ice and post-game injections of … you know, non-PEDs.”

hecklerstaff