2011 was quite an eventful year in the world of unbelievable sports news, but given The Heckler’s list of top 10 posts during the year, it’s pretty clear our audience cared mostly about ripping on people from Indiana, Jay Cutler and sex. Sure, there’s some Cubs, White Sox and Bulls stuff sprinkled in there, but — like most of the internet — it seems our audience is so sex-crazed that even an article from 2010 featuring a shirtless Jonathan Toews cracked the list.
1: As seasons change, idiot Hoosiers switch allegience from ND football to IU basketball
Dec. 10 It’s a seasonal tradition for millions of disloyal Indiana residents: The changing of the college sports seasons from football to basketball. Each November, after yet another disappointing Notre Dame football season, mindless Hoosiers begin their perennial migration of fandom to focus upon Indiana University’s basketball team. The move completes a continual cycle of denying current disappointments of one team while referring to past accomplishments and unbridled expectations of another.
2: Jay want smoosh smoosh? Cutler confirms he’s now dating Snooki
Aug. 26 After breaking off his engagement with former reality star Kristin Cavallari, Jay Cutler has been seen on the town with a new reality TV-star girlfriend: Snooki from “The Jersey Shore.”
3: Toews arrested for jogging shirtless near lakefront
Oct. 14, 2010 The normally reserved and quiet Jonathan Toews unleashed his wild side and was arrested for jogging shirtless along Lake Michigan earlier this week. Calls poured into local law enforcement centers from witnesses.
4: League will allow Cutler to use new SackShield™ against Green Bay
Sept. 20 NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has approved the use of a revolutionary new device aimed at protecting Jay Cutler against blitzing defenders. The SackShield™ was developed by Under Armour following the Bears’ first two games of the season, during which Cutler was sacked 10 times.
5: White Sox radio host Rongey arrested for threats against stupid callers
April 20 Chicago police believe they may have caught the man suspected of a recent rash of face-to-face death threats against White Sox fans. 670 The Score’s host Chris Rongey was taken into custody and charged Tuesday with criminal harassment of at least of seven people around the Chicagoland area, all of whom apparently are die-hard fans of the South Side baseball team.
6: Engaged Cutler listed as questionable for wedding ceremony
April 26 Jay Cutler proposed to his reality TV girlfriend Kristin Cavallari over the weekend and the Bears’ star QB is already listed as questionable for the wedding ceremony due to an apparent knee injury.
7. An Open Letter to Lingerie Football League Commissioner Mitch Mortaza
Jan. 26 Tuesday afternoon The Heckler published a story about the Lingerie Football League. About two minutes later, their lawyers sent us a cease and desist. Here’s what we think of that.
8. Chicago Cubs Fans: The Infographic
May 16 The Heckler presents “Chicago Cubs Fans: The Infographic.” It’s an in-depth look at what makes Cubs fans tick, from their favorite third base busts to their Twitter and Facebook habits when they’re watching a game at Wrigley Field.
9. Crayola releases Tom Coughlin-inspired color: ‘Pissed-Off Red’
Oct. 14 After the Giants’ excruciating loss to the Seahawks on Sunday, Tom Coughlin was in his usual fuming state of anger and his face showed it. Whenever Coughlin sees something he doesn’t like on the football field, his face immediately reddens up in anger and outrage.
10. ‘Taj Gibson dunk’ surpasses ‘sex’ and ‘Lindsay Lohan’ as world’s top Google search term
May 16 After his pair of thunderous dunks during the Bulls’ 103-82 thrashing of the Heat Sunday night “Taj Gibson dunk” is currently the world’s leading search term, surpassing “sex” and other hot phrases.
