In a shocking turn of events that has rejuvenated the playoff hopes of the Bears, Broncos QB Tim Tebow has managed to heal RB Matt Forte and QB Jay Cutler during a visit to the visitors’ clubhouse before Sunday’s game in Denver.
Sources say that Tebow entered the Bears locker room to wish the team good luck, but as soon as he neared Cutler and Forte, an aural glow began emanating from his fingertips, filling the room with a warm, comforting light and removing all the pains and ills of the world from the body and mind of every player in the room. Soon afterwards, Cutler and Forte both claimed to no longer be feeling any discomfort in their affected areas, and were promptly upgraded to “Probable” on the Bears injury chart.
When asked by reporters why he performed these acts of healing, which will greatly increase the Bears chances of defeating the Broncos this Sunday, Tebow cryptically responded, “It is not my will who shall be injured and who shall be healed” before adding that he absolved Jay Cutler of his sins for “That whole Kristin Cavillari thing.”
