Controversy is swirling over Terry Francona’s decision to unleash Mothra against Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes in the sixth inning of Wednesday’s game at Fenway Park. While the Red Sox maintain the move was perfectly legal, Yankees officials are in an uproar.
“Are you kidding me?” shouted Yankees GM Brian Cashman. “Where in the rulebook does it say that a team is allowed to have a gigantic, mythical beast attack the opposing pitcher?”
“It doesn’t say you’re not allowed gigantic, mythical beasts,” replied Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. “I back Terry and his decision 100 percent. So what if it was an unconventional move? Mothra got Reddick on base. Terry’s decisions led to a run and then a win. That’s all that matters to me.”
“If the umps didn’t call it during the game, I don’t see why there would be any controversy now,” Francona continued. “A strike is a strike, a run is a run, a Mothra attack is a Mothra attack. Plain and simple.”
When asked about the circumstances surrounding Mothra’s recruitment, Francona reported that Mothra came to his attention during a scouting trip to Japan.
“I took a day-trip to a little resort called Infant Island off the coast of Japan,” Francona explained. “The locals there told me about this giant moth that protected their lands. I figured maybe I can use the moth to protect my players, so I offered Mothra a free trip to Boston to see what we could work out. At the time, she just seemed like a benevolent giant moth who wanted to protect her island. On Wednesday night, things changed. Some Yankees fan started yelling at Mothra’s worshippers, and she started to get real agitated. I figured I could put that energy to use in the game, so I sent her onto the field. The rest, as they say, is history.”
Upon hearing Francona’s story, Cashman was enraged.
“Does no one else see how insane this is?” Cashman screamed, veins popping from his forehead. “They fielded a giant moth from Japan! There is no way that’s legal!”
When Cashman stormed off the stage, Joe Girardi stepped up to the microphone to reassure Yankees fans.
“We still believe we’ve got a great team,” Girardi said. “We still believe we can win games. If we have to recruit Godzilla to do it, then that’s something we’ll look into. The season is a long way from over.”
When asked for comment, MLB officials would only say that the incident is currently “under investigation,” and the league does not endorse the recruitment of “mythical beasts of any sort.”
