Alex Rodriguez is being investigated by Major League Baseball on suspicion he may have taken part in numerous high stakes poker games with some of Vegas and Hollywood’s elite, who all agree his card-playing skills are rather overrated.
“Yeah, I played with him, Spiderman, Jason Bourne, and (Ben) Affleck a few times,” said an anonymous player. “A-Rod kept trying to make us play strip. The guy kinda creeped me out. Plus he wasn’t very good.”
Rodriguez is believed to have learned the game of No-Limit Texas Holdem while playing for the Rangers. Indications are that he had a regular heads up game with former Rangers owner, Tom Hicks, who wanted a chance to win some of his money back.
While some credit Rodriguez with being a good poker player, most of his gambling buddies believed his game was a tad overrated.
“He was a really strong pre-flop player, but he’d almost always folded on the river if you put pressure on him,” said an old school pro known only as “Brooklyn Joe.” “He put two of my kids through college, and bought my wife a summer home in France, so I ain’t mad at ’em.”
“Every time he got aces, he yelled ‘A-Bombs for A-Rod!’ to the entire table,” said self-proclaimed top poker player in the world, Phil Hellmuth. “He was easier to read than a children’s book.”
A-Rod’s teammates weren’t shocked by the revelation.
“It makes sense now,” said Nick Swisher. “Madonna? Cameron Diaz? He had to have lost a bet!”
MLB is also launching an investigation into possible drug use during the all night gambling sessions. Rodriguez’s cousin, Yuri Sucart, has been brought in, and is being held on $100,000 bond, or what A-Rod now refers to as “one buy in.”
