From the Week 1 no-touchdown call against the Lions to the endless parade of backup QB’s the Bears have faced this season, things have seemingly gone Chicago’s way all year long.
Now they will play the sub-.500 Seahawks on Sunday in the second round of the playoffs. Many people have accused the Bears of being graced with extremely good luck this season, something coach Lovie Smith vehemently denies.
But during Smith’s off-week trip down to Texas, x-ray body scanners at O’Hare Airport proved what many have suspected all along — the Bears head coach does indeed have a horseshoe implanted up his rear end.
Smith was stopped by airport security when they noticed something unusual about his x-ray image and the metal detector started going off. They also were alarmed by the strange way in which he was walking.
“It looked like he really had to use the bathroom,” said security guard Raymond Samuels. “It turns out he had [the horseshoe] implanted at the start of the season to bring him good luck.”
Smith was unavailable for comment, but the doctor who performed the surgery said this sort of procedure is nothing new.
“You’d be surprised at how many professional athletes have gone through with this operation,” said Dr. Bryan Lange. “I won’t name any names, but several of the 2005 White Sox certainly benefited from the procedure. They say this type of thing is becoming the new steroids.”
Although there is no rule against the practice, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is making Smith remove it for the remainder of the playoffs to avoid any unfair advantages the Bears might gain. Now Smith, the fans, and the rest of the NFL will find out what the Bears are truly made of this Sunday when they face off against the Seahawks.
By Michael Kloempken
