Security at Citizens Bank Field took an important step in combating the d-baggy nature of Phillies fans Monday by hosting the first-ever “Taser a Phillies Fan Night,” which was a massive success.
It happened when a 17-year-old fan charged the field in the eighth inning of the Phillies-Cardinals game. Rather than tackling the offender like similar situations are typically handled, the obese, out-of-shape security officers chasing Monday’s law-breaker simply nailed him from about 10 feet out with a Taser, causing the fan to face plant in the outfield. Phillies fans — unaware most of them are just as deserving of 50,000 volts — gave a rousing ovation as the tasered fan was led from the field.
Philadelphia fans are infamous for terrible behavior. Just last month a belligerent 21-year-old Phillies fan was arrested after intentionally vomiting on an 11-year-old girl during a fight. That incident prompted the team to hold “Taser a Phillies Fan Night” Monday.
“Our fans have established themselves as among the worst in the country,” said Phillies head of promotions Michael Taylor. “It won’t be until we start publicly harming and shaming these morons that they’ll learn it’s not acceptable to be combative every second of the day. Unless of course you’re a security guard dealing with them, in which case combative is the only way to be.”
Taylor said that future “Taser a Phillies Fan Night” promotions will “definitely” be held throughout the season, but security officials might randomly Taser fans rather than waiting for them to commit an inevitable offense. If they’re nearly as successful as last night’s event, the promotions will be expanded to include Eagles fans, who might be even worse than Phillies fans. Teams from New York and Boston are also reportedly exploring similar events.
By Brad Zibung, founder and editor an chief
