Great news: The Heckler’s May issue has hit the streets. As usual, it’s packed full of unbelievable Chicago sports news. This month The Heckler also introduces its Fan Pass Membership, which we think is just too good a deal to pass up.  Be sure to check it out.

Among this issue’s headlines
Moving walkway installed to speed up Piniella mound visits

Contreras recalls rooming with Ty Cobb

Study reveals shortage of Wrigleyville bars

Bradley pulls left hamstring while being treated for sore right hamstring

Soriano to be randomly placed in batting order; Piniella uses ‘Alfons-o-matic’ device to determine lineup

T-Pain declines invite to sing at Wrigley; Cites Cubs’ refusal to let him bring Auto-Tune

Gathright on pace for 10 ABs, zero hits this season

Fontenot, Theriot merge to create full-sized player

Cubs shorten fences 200 feet to help Derrek Lee’s HR total

Zambrano makes switch to decaf

Cash-strapped Trib, Sun-Times make beat writers share hotel rooms

Fan questions decision to burn Fukudome jersey last season

Wrigley now surrounded by bars named after alcoholic beverages

Cotts named lefty reliever
of the month

Kenny Williams aims for entirely Cuban roster by 2012

Obama uses executive power to add Pujols to Sox

Pittsburgh Pirates taken hostage by Somali pirates

10 pro-Brewer, 10,000 anti-Cub t-shirts worn by Milwaukee fans at Miller Park

Woo-Woo in History: Ronnie pled the 5th in 2005

‘Bulin Wall’ promo goes wrong; No one can enter United Center after 8-foot wall erected around United Center

‘Dee-troit sucks’ chant breaks out again after Hawks win over different team; Confused Canucks not sure what to think

ESPN launches new all-cornhole channel

Cutler completes his transition to Chicago by visiting every bar in town

Madden retires to spend more time with Favre

Ben Gordon already looking forward to multiple max contract offers; Also looking to get unicorn

Del Negro to learn how to coach in offseason

Columnists
Joe Malonecki and South Side Tina have twins on the way
The Heckler’s Sports Talk Radio Man Screamin’ Johnny Blaze thinks the Cubs and Sox should finally unite

Real Deal
Playin’ the Ponies for 5 Hours with Wood at Stretch Run

Jen makes her triumphant return

Becca wants you off the bandwagon

Loco Rob thinks the losing might not finally be over

hecklerbrad